678 days

I was living another life. I was blind. I was about to embark on a journey.

1 year, 10 months, 8 days.

678 days ago I would not have anticipated where I would be today. — Back in the same room (temporarily), in the same small town in the middle of nowhere, but the difference between that old present and this present is uncanny.

On January 5th, 2024 I was celebrating that I had finished writing my second novel.

A few days later I was going to find out I had been admitted into one of the most prestigious universities in the country, even though there was something holding me back from being happy about this. There was an itch regarding my writing, an itch I was afraid to scratch.

Today, November 13th, 2025, I have written a total of four novels, starting a fifth.

Two of those novels have been professionally edited and I’m querying both of them. I am now a college dropout, letting my instincts guide me, scratching away.

I have let go of friendships that didn’t serve me. I have set boundaries. I have changed.

678 days in between, two different realities.

12th November, 2025 (yesterday)

I haven’t died so many deaths for no life, for no birth to happen. My time to shine has come; I am in it, going through the motions of what is and what will be. The buds are no longer buds but flowers; colorful, fragrant and alive.

The beauty of their authenticity is divine. Nobody’s asking the flowers to be bushes, trees or grass. The flowers are who they are and there’s no questioning it.

I am who I am and I’m not allowing them to ask me to be something I am not. Just like the flower, I will remain. I remain loud, fun, witty and sensitive. I remain resilient, talented, whimsical, sometimes extremely petty. I am not surrendering to anyone’s mold anymore, even if they suggest it kindly, with such convincing arguments they make me think of caving in and pleasing them.

The flowers please us by being flowers. They don’t change color if one doesn’t like them, they remain.

Things have changed for the better, even though there was so much struggle, confusion and fight… there is calmness, peace in me now. There is a lot of love in me now. So much love. Love that I came to discover under layers of self loathing, rage, pain, and thoughts other people made me believe.

I have paved my path, and so much of it started in this bedroom. So much of it has started during Spring.

Soon enough, a very fun Spring day is going to come along; my birthday. This year I’m not dreading it as much as I usually do. This year I’m almost excited to celebrate myself, and to let go of the things my birthday used to be, used to mean.

I’m learning to embrace all of me, even the things I used to not want to embrace because of what they used to mean. I’m giving it a new meaning.

I feel like I’ve connected with my self worth more. It’s a process, a therapy with oneself, and I feel like I’ve made some serious progress.

I am endlessly proud of who I was 678 days ago.

She has come a long way. She learned. She shines brighter.

She’s no longer afraid to be ambitious.

I’ve always been very ambitious, but I held myself back so many times, trying to PLEASE people. Trying to follow the ‘rights’ and don’t fall into the ‘wrongs’.

I feel so certain in this uncertainty, in this waiting to see what happens regarding the querying process, but I have a good feeling. I have been brave enough to end up where I am today. I have written and written, I have waited and waited and I celebrate this, whether it bears fruit or not.

I have met myself from a greater perspective. I have gotten to know the corners I avoided inside me. I have decided to connect with this power inside regardless of what the ‘consequences’ might be. (9:27)

678 days, and so many things have changed in less than two years.

LESS THAN TWO YEARS. It’s not that big of a gap. It hasn’t been that long.

I went from so much fear to so much fearlessness.

I had the audacity to bring myself up to this point.

My grandparents had their friends over for lunch today. Last night I had a bit of anxiety, thinking the million-dollar question of “What’s your plan?” was going to be asked during lunch. Today when they arrived I surrendered to whatever happened, happened. The only question I got was “How many books have you written so far?” and I replied I’m starting the fifth.

I guess that was enough for them not to ask more questions, because now I can see how jaw dropping that sounds, especially coming from someone that isn’t yet twenty-one years old. Coming from someone like me, someone who has seen heaven and hell.

Someone who bloomed into a flower that is no longer questioned, because the flower remains.

It brings tears to my eyes to see the difference, and to find myself thankful for my ability to move past obstacles and choose myself.

I used to believe selfishness was an ugly thing to be, but there’s a positive kind of selfish. The kind of selfish that decides to choose one’s peace before going out of your way to make sure everyone’s content with who you are. I am content with who I am. I am THRILLED with who I am today. And for the first time in forever, I can say I can’t give a shit if you don’t agree. I am no longer wasting my energy trying to fit into everyone’s boxes.

678 days ago I was still caged in many ways. I wanted to believe in my dream, I wanted to surrender to the beauty I carried inside, and eventually I learned how to do so. Back then I tried to gaslight myself, I tried to convince myself that following the path they had planned for me was the right way to go… even if my yellow brick road was waiting for me. And I’m so glad I put on my ruby slippers and wrote more, dreamt more, and followed my heart instead of the mind that had been poisoned too many times to count.

To finish this, I just want to say, that dreams are very serious, and they should be taken seriously.

***

Well, I hope my metaphors in this post weren’t too out of this world, and if they were… I hope they were from Venus.

Hopefully you enjoyed this, and if you did… you already know what to do: